Band 9 Student Answer With Examiner's Report

 

Question- Many museums charge for admission while others are free.

Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Some museums have an admission charge while some do not. In my opinion, the drawbacks of an entrance fee are eclipsed by its benefits in the sense that the income will be ploughed back into operation and development of the museums.

Excellent. You have outlined what you are going to talk about and at the same time made your opinion very clear. This is exactly what you need to do to make it clear to the examiner what you think about the question and also helps them to follow the rest of your essay.

A major disadvantage of an admission fee is the possibility of reducing the number of visitors. Museums house exhibitions and artefacts of great educational and historical value. If the chief aim of a museum is to introduce the local community, admission should be free to the public and visitors. Take some folk museums in Hong Kong, which preserve historic relics and display folk customs, for example. Admission to these folk museums, which are often monuments, is free of charge. If they had charged an entrance fee, many might have turned to other activities.

Excellent. Clear and relevant main reasons and fully developed idea. It was great to see how you took one central idea and developed it fully with explanations and a specific example.

Granted, an entrance fee might have a negative effect on the admission figures, but an income is favorable to museums in terms of operation. Museums feature educational exhibitions at times, and this could not have been done without a sum of money expended on hiring professionals and buying equipment. The Hong Kong Space Museum, for instance, has monthly exhibitions on different issues and professional docents are employed to take visitors on a guided tour around the museum. This example speaks volumes about how a reasonable admission charge is advantageous to the operation of a museum.

As above. I particularly like the way you linked both main ideas in the first sentence.

In conclusion, the disadvantages of an admission fee are overshadowed by the benefits accruing from a stable source of income. Therefore, having weighed up the pros and cons, I am convinced that museums should charge an entrance fee for the sake of operation and development.

Very elegant conclusion. You have summarised your main points and reiterated your opinion. Well done.

Task Response- Band 9

Your answer fully addresses all parts of the task.

Your answer presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas.

It is very clear that you think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and the whole of your essay supports this.

Coherence and Cohesion- Band 9

This was the most impressive part of your essay. I really liked your introduction and conclusion in particular. They really helped to bring everything together and hammer your point across.

I also really liked the way you linked your ideas together. The whole essay felt like a really tight, cohesive piece of writing.

You have used cohesion in a way that attracts no attention.

Your paragraphing is excellent.

Very rarely do I have to read an IELTS essay only once to understand everything. That is the sign of a truly great essay.

Vocabulary- Band 9

You naturally use less-common words to convey very precise meaning and there are no mistakes at all.

Grammar- Band 9

You use a wide range of appropriate structures and there are no mistakes.

Overall- Band 9

This is the first time a student has submitted a Band 9 essay to my service and I am thrilled that you have reached this level. I am very happy I was able to help you reach this goal and I hope you can continue at this level in the future.

Below is a sample answer. I have taken a different approach just to show you a different way of answering the same question.

Sample Answer

Lots of museums charge a fee while others do not. This essay thinks that the benefits of charging do not outweigh the drawbacks because open access to relics and art is more important than generating money that the government should supply in any event.

The main disadvantage is that high fees exclude a large proportion of the population, especially in less developed countries. Many people in poorer countries have just enough money for food and shelter. Exhibits are one of the few cultural activities they can enjoy free of charge. For example, Egypt has millions of people living in poverty, but also a rich and ancient culture and it is therefore important that everyone gets to experience these artefacts. Another big negative is that students and children who are learning about the world may not be able to visit. It would be a huge shame if art students could not see their favourite painters or sculptor’s work in real life because their finances could not cover the cost.

Despite this, there are some who say that museums are unsustainable without the money they might get from ticket sales. They say that this allows the building to remain open and it is better that some people get to experience it, rather than none at all. To this I would say that the government should step in and cover the cost because culture is as important as anything else it spends money on. For instance, in the UK there have been huge government spending cuts over the last few years, but the museums have not had their funding reduced because of their importance to the country’s cultural heritage.

In conclusion, although some might say that places of culture should be run like a business, the cost to the education and heritage of the country is too great and they should remain free to all.

Click here to read the article on Grammar Mistakes and How to Avoid them in IELTS Writing Task.

Top Ten IELTS Grammar Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

25% of your marks in the writing and speaking tests come from using appropriate grammar structures that are error free. Unfortunately, when learning a new language people often make frequent grammar mistakes. In fact, if more than 50% of your sentences have any errors in them, you will not get more than band 6 for grammatical range and accuracy. In other words, to score 7 or higher, you should try to make more than half of your sentences completely error free.

After marking thousands of IELTS tests I have noticed that the same errors are made again and again. Below are the top 10 mistakes and some advice on how to avoid them.

Most people make all or some of these mistakes in their writing and speaking tests. A good thing to do is show some of your practice tests to a teacher or native speaker and establish your common errors. When you are aware of your common grammar errors you can easily fix them with practice and raise your score.

1. Use of the word ‘the’

We use the:

• when there is only one of something in a particular area: the government, the police, the bridge, the river, the hospital
• when there is only one in the entire world: the internet, the environment, the ozone layer, the atmosphere
• with cardinal numbers: the first, the second, the third
• with superlatives: the worst, the shortest, the lowest, the most beautiful, the least impressive
• with places where the name refers to a group of islands or states: the USA, the UK, the Maldives, the Middle East, the United Arab Emirates
• before nouns which describe general things: exercise is good for the body, the motorbike is the most common form of transport in Asia, the role of the teacher has changed in recent years
• before abstract nouns used to describe a situation, process, quality or a change: over the years the development of the town accelerated, the frequency of violent crime decreased over the period, the improvement in living standards

We don’t use the:  

• to talk generally we drop the word ‘the’ and use the plural: dogs don’t like cats, people with dyslexia have reading problems, Japanese cars are very reliable, German products are very high quality.
• with a single place or country: Ireland, China, Vietnam, Europe, South America

2. Countable and Uncountable Nouns

Some nouns in English are uncountable and will therefore always be in the singular form and never plural. Some common nouns that students often get wrong in the IELTS test are:

• Advice
• Advertising
• Food
• Information
• Knowledge
• Education
• Money
• Traffic
• Shopping
• Travel
• Entertainment
• Happiness
• Literature
• Work
• Research

If a noun is uncountable you cannot use:

• a plural verb: There were many traffic in the city.
• a number: three advice, four food
• a few, a couple, many, a number of: a number of literature, a few research
• a/an: a happiness, an entertainment

3. Noun-Verb Agreement

The verb must agree with the noun. If you use a plural noun, you must use a plural verb and vice versa.

Example:

There is some dogs outside.

There is some food in the kitchen.

Here are some homework for you.

There are some eggs in the kitchen.

4. –ing or to + infinitive

We use to + infinitive verb after the following verbs: learn how, would like, want, seem, refuse, promise, prepare, offer, learn, hope, help, deserve, decide, afford, and ask.

Example:

It is important to learn how to speak English

Most people cannot afford to go on holiday every year.

I would like to study overseas.

Note: ‘like’ can be followed by –ing or to + infinitive.

We use verb–ing after the following verbs: suggest, recommend, practice, mind, keep, involve, imagine, give up, finish, enjoy, deny, consider, carry on, and avoid.

Example:

I would recommend checking your writing for mistakes.

You should avoid drinking coffee after 6 pm.

I’ve finished writing my essay.

5. Use Of Articles Before Noun Phrases

You should include a/an before adjective singular noun combinations: a massive improvement, a steady increase, an overall majority, a very small percentage, a really strong argument.

Some exceptions include the word ‘of’ after the noun phrase: a wide range of, an equal number of, a large/small number of, a small/large/equal proportion of.

Exceptions: quite a few people, to a certain extent/degree

6. Use of Commas

In the IELTS writing test, we often use phrases called ‘discourse markers’ or ‘liking phrases’ to link our ideas together, such as on the one hand, on the other hand, however, for example, nevertheless, firstly, secondly, in conclusion, in summary.

We normally use a comma after a discourse marker that introduces a sentence:

• Firstly, the main cause of pollution is motor vehicles.
• On the one hand, motor vehicles are said to be the main cause.
• However, pollution from industry may also be to blame.
• To sum up, the causes of pollution are mostly man-made.

We also use commas on either side of discourse markers in the middle of sentences:

• Fossil fuels are mostly to blame for global warming, however, some people believe this is a natural process.
• Fossil fuels are mostly to blame for global warming, for example, from cars and factories.

7. Verb Tenses

Always consider which of the following tense you should use:

• Present simple:
  • things that are always true (the sky is blue)
  • general statements of fact (I was born in 1982)
  • habits (I go to sleep every night at 11 pm)
• Present continuous:
  • an action at the moment of speaking
  • something in progress this week, month or year
  • to talk about a future planned event
• Present Perfect:
  • an action that took place at an indefinite time in the past
  • an action that was repeated before now
  • an action that began in the past and continues until now
• Present Perfect Continuous:
  • to show the duration of something that happened in the past and continues until now
  • a general activity in progress recently
• Past Simple
  • an action that began in the past and finished in the past
• Past Continuous
  • talk about an action that was happening in the past when another occurred
  • an action that was in progress at a specific time in the past
• Past Perfect
  • talk about something that was completed before another activity or another time in the past
• Past Perfect Continuous
  • talk about duration of activity that was in progress before another event in the past
  • an activity in progress that is recent to another time or activity in the past
• Future Simple
  • to predict or plan for the future
  • to express a willingness to do something
• Future Continuous
  • an action that will be in progress at a time in the future
• Future Perfect
  • an action that will be completed before another time or event in the future
• Future Perfect Continuous
  • the duration of an action that will be in progress before another time or event in the future

8. Prepositions After Adjectives and Nouns

Students often get confused about which prepositions to use after adjectives and nouns. Here are some common expressions:

At:

• Bad at (something)
• Good at (something)
• Surprised at (something)

About or with:

• Pleased about (something)
• Pleased with (someone)
• Angry about (something)
• Angry with (someone)
• Disappointed about (something)
• Disappointed with (someone)
• Worried about (something or someone)

In:

• rise in
• decrease in
• increase in
• fall in
• drop in

Between:

• difference between

Of:

• advantage/disadvantage of
• example of
• number of
• percentage of
• use of

9. Apostrophes

We use apostrophes to shorten words or make contractions:

• Cannot-Can’t
• Do not- Don’t
• I will- I’ll

Contractions are normally used in spoken English and should therefore not be used in the academic writing tasks.

We can also use apostrophes to show possession:

• John’s book
• Mary’s brother

We don’t use apostrophes with possessive pronouns such as:

• The dog has broken its
• The book is not theirs it’s ours.

10. Common Spelling Mistakes

Some common spelling mistakes:

• to or too
• there or their
• though or through
• programme
• accommodation
• advertisement
• beginning
• business
• commercial
• country
• environment
• Wednesday
• February
• government
• occurred
• practice

Academic Writing Task 1 Guide

The IELTS writing test marking scheme is divided into four parts:

• Grammatical Range and Accuracy      
• Task Achievement
• Lexical Resource
• Coherence and Cohesion

Grammar therefore accounts for 25% of the marks in your writing test.

You are assessed on two things:

1.   Your ability to produce grammatically accurate sentences;

2.   Your ability to use a wide range of grammar structures.

In IELTS writing task 1 you may have to describe trends. This may come up in a line graph, bar chart or when comparing more than one chart.

There are two main grammatical structures we can use to describe trends.

1.   There + be + adj. + noun + in + noun phrase

Example:

There was a gradual rise in the price of oil.

There has been a sharp drop in the price of oil.

Possible adjectives                 

• gradual
• moderate
• modest
• sharp
• dramatic
• slight
• steep
• steady
• significant
• considerable
• rapid

Possible nouns:

• variation
• decline
• decrease
• dip
• drop
• fall
• peak
• fluctuation
• growth
• increase
• rise
• slump

2.   Noun phrase + verb + adverb

Example:

The price of oil rose gradually.

The price of oil has risen dramatically.

Possible verbs:

• rise
• jump
• grow
• climb
• increase
• rocket
• fall
• drop
• decline
• decrease
• go down
• plummet
• plunge

Possible adverbs:

• gradually
• moderately
• modestly
• sharply
• dramatically
• slightly
• steeply
• steadily
• significantly
• considerably
• rapidly
• slowly

Describing Increases and Decreases

When describing any of the charts in IELTS writing task 1, you might have to describe increases and decreases. There are three main ways you can describe increases and decreases.

1.   Noun phrase + verb + adverb

Example:

The price of property fell sharply

The percentage of homes dropped dramatically.

2.           There + be + noun + in + noun phrase

Example:

There was a fall in literacy levels.

There has been an increase in the cost of coffee.

3.           Using fractions

Example:

The price of oil halved in less than a year.

The price of oil has halved since July.

By July, the price of oil has halved.

Making Comparisons

IELTS writing task 1 will often require you to make comparisons between data sources, groups and times. Here are five grammatical structures you can use to make comparisons.

1.   More/few/less + noun + than

Example:

Overall, more people preferred public transport than taxis.

2.           of one syllable -er + than

Example:

A higher number of people preferred public transport than taxis.

3.           More/less + adj. of more than one syllable + than

Example:

Taxis were more popular than public transport.

4.           of one syllable -est.

Example: 

The highest % of commuters preferred taxis.

5.           The most/least + adj. of more than one syllable.

Example:

The least popular mode of transport was buses.

Summarising

IELTS writing task 1 is essentially a summarising task. Your overview paragraph should contain two or three sentences summarising the main features of the graph. In order to help you do this, here are some short phrases.

• To summarise, the most marked change is….
• Overall it is clear….
• Overall the majority/minority….
• In sum, the most noticeable trend is….

Don’t say ‘to conclude’. This is only for discursive essays.

Tenses

Using the appropriate tenses in IELTS writing task 1 is essential if you want to get a high band score.

The key is to look at the title of the chart and the information contained on both axes to establish what time frame is used. This will help you establish what tense you should use.

Example:

• If the time is one point in the past, for example January 1990, then we should use the past tense.
• If it has projections for the future, for example 2045, we use future tenses.
• It there is no time, we use present simple.

Below are a range of tenses that could be used in task 1. Remember, the tense you use will depend on the information displayed in the graph. This is not a complete list of tenses and an awareness of all the English tenses will help you achieve the IELTS score you need.

1.   Present Perfect:

We use this tense generally to talk about an action that happened at an unspecified time before now. The exact time period is not important.

In writing task 1, we use this tense to talk about changes in data that have happened over a period of time.

Example

The price of oil has fallen by $5 a barrel every week since July.

2.           Present Perfect Continuous

We use this tense to show that something started in the past and has continued up until now.

Example

Oil prices have been decreasing since July.

3.           Future Perfect

We use this tense to state that something will be finished by a particular time in the future.

We often use it with ‘by’ or ‘in’.

Example

The price of oil will have reached $300 a barrel by 2020.

4.           Past Simple

Use this tense to talk about an action that started and finished at a specific time in the past.

Example

The price of oil fell from $150 in Jan 2014 to $50 in Jan 2015.

Approximations, Percentages and Fractions

In many of the IELTS writing task 1 questions, you will have to deal with percentages. This is a good opportunity to express these percentages in a different way and boost your score. A way of varying this language is to express them as fractions or proportions.

Remember that you should vary your language as much as possible in order to score high in the ‘lexical resource’ part of the test.

It is also fine to use approximations, for example, 49% can be expressed as nearly a half.

Below are a range of expressions that can be used to express percentages.

Fractions

73%- nearly three quarters

51%- just over a half

49%- just under a half

32%- nearly a third

3%- a tiny fraction

50%- exactly a half

26%- roughly one quarter

49%- around a half

24%- almost a quarter

77%- approximately three quarters

Proportions

70%- a large proportion

71%- a significant majority

15% a small minority

3%- an insignificant minority

Happy Learning!

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